fashion beach

Memo to the person who hit Financial Secr5etary John Tsang with an egg at a recent public forum: don't waste good food on bad politicians.

Tsang's boss, Chief Executive CY Leung, for whom the missile was probably intended, subsequently said that "such incidents won't happen in mature democracies".  This is yet another factual inexactitude from a government that produces rather a lot of them - in fact throwing eggs, pies, paint, and more recently glitter, at public figures is a time-honoured tradition in many mature democracies, including the UK, France, Belgium, Canada, and of course the USA.  Notable victims have included Rupert Murdoch, Bill Gates and even the King of Sweden.

Despite claims that such incidents are immoral, violent, and even constitute terrorism, their intent is clearly symbolic rather than to cause physical harm (though in a few tragic cases, they may do so); the aim is to leave those who are perceived by the thrower as dishonest, immoral or self-important looking ridiculous, deflated and humiliated.  As such, most Hong Kong government ministers are clearly prime targets for such treatment.

Nothing wrong with the English here grammatically, but no one in common speech uses the words "ingress" and "egress" - why not just say entrance and exit?

Meanwhile what could sound more appetising than this?

From my earliest days in Hong Kong one TV advert kept popping up at odd times - the one for Curcyrin, a remedy for athlete's foot (also commonly called Hong Kong foot because of its local prevalence in our humid climate).  Remember the giant foot and the guy in the tacky checked suit?
It should probably be in the Guinness Book of records as the longest-running (and cheesiest) TV commercial of all time.  [Click the link to see it on Youtube.]

Sadly, this irreplaceable piece of Hong Kong's cultural heritage appears to have been retired after many decades, and a new series of (actually rather good) ads has replaced it.  I quite like the one with the colourful wellies:
Nevertheless I can't help feeling a little sad that another fragment of an earlier and less sophisticated Hong Kong has gone - like the fact that you never see people popping out for a late night bowl of noodles in their pyjamas any more.  This used to be common, but today no Hong Konger would dream of going out without dressing up in name brand clothing.  I miss those simpler times - I must be getting old.  Am I the only one who feels nostalgia for stuff like this?

It's ironic that some of the very same mothers now scrambling to make sure the milk their little dears drink is free of toxins are probably heading off to the beauty parlour to be injected with the very same toxins.  Maybe the dairy firm at the centre of the problem can recoup some of its losses by manufacturing Botox from the recalled milk products.

So let me see: I have to Love Hong Kong - no problem, but becoming increasingly difficult as more and more of the Hong Kong I love is under threat or disappearing.  Love China - hmmm, let's see.  It's not my motherland, but I do appreciate the great architecture, art, food and magnificent scenery.  Not so fond of the repressive government, environmental degradation, adulterated milk, secret prisons, corruption, and censorship.  I find it easier to Love Democracy ("the love that dare not speak its name" as far as the Chinese government is concerned).

Now it seems I have to Respect and love the elders as well.  Isn't this taking the whole love thing a bit too far?  I hope I treat everyone with the respect they deserve, but do I really have to share my limited supply of love with every cantankerous old wrinkly in Hong Kong?

More than a month after Chinese New Year, the Park N Shop (or whichever combination of upper and lower case they use these days) Superstore in Taipo is still piled high with overstocked gift packs of cookies and overpriced candy being sold off at a discount.  Am I the only one in Hong Kong who feels a warm twinge of delight that the Li family got somnething wrong?

Happy Spring Equinox to all except tycoons!

I sometimes respond to the South China Morning Post's opinion polls on its website, but I just as often find them irritatingly meaningless.  Take today's, for example: the question asked is: "Is India still a safe destination for foreign tourists?"  Pertinent, after recent widely-reported rape cases there, certainly, but totally unscientific.

First of all, note the implied assumption that India was previously safe.  Then consider the impossibility of summing up the safety level of a large and enormously diverse country of more than a billion people in one snap judgement.  Are you safe at the Taj Mahal?  Probably.  In Indian-occupied Kashmir, or the poorest slums of Kolkata - probably less so.

And what do you mean by "safe" anyway?  Likely to get raped or murdered - even with the occasional case that hits the headlines, not very.  Likely to have your pocket picked?  Much more probable - but not only in India.  Safe from your own stupidity?  Thousands of tourists die in foreign countries every year because people tend to take foolhardy risks on holiday that they would not take at home, from overdosing on drugs to riding motorcycles without a helmet to swimming in dangerous waters to eating in places with dubious hygiene standards - or even over-exerting themselves sexually!  Most Hong Kong people consider Thailand a safe destination for tourism, but apart from the country's appalling level of road safety, five foreign tourists and a Thai guide died in 2011 because of over-exposure to a pesticide used to kill bed bugs!  Who would have seen that coming?

Then there is the question of what one means by a foreign tourist.  In a tour group or travelling independently?  Male or female?  Travelling alone or with a companion?  Able to speak the local language or not?  Staying in luxury resorts or local flophouses?  All of these factors - not to mention one's visible "ethnicity", as officials like to call race these days - could affect how safe one is.  But a white female friend of mine lived for two years in India, travelling alone on a limited budget, with no problems, and loves the country.

My advice: don't let this kind of question put you off travelling except for avoiding obvious trouble spots (two other friends enjoyed a wonderful trip to Syria some years ago, but I wouldn't advise it at the moment)..  Just take sensible precautions, remember shit happens everywhere, and as they used o say in Hill Street Blues: "Be careful out there!"

The South China Morning Post reports that a Beijing restaurateur was forced to take down a sign barring customers from nations with which China has maritime territorial disputes (which currently means just about every neighbouring country that isn't landlocked, including some so far away - see maps here and here - that they stretch the definition of "neighbouring" to breaking point).  Personally i'd like to see him put his nasty little sign back up to avoid any chance that I might inadvertently put any money in his racist pocket by patronising his establishment next time I visit Beijing.

Meanwhile, over in the UK the Royal Bank of Scotland proves that bankers have learned nothing (certainly not humility) from the 2008 financial crisis caused by their greed, by declaring a loss of
£5.2 billion (much of it as a result of penalties for past misdeeds) and admitting it may not be able to pay back the money it owes British taxpayers, but still paying out £697 million in bonuses to its staff.  The bank's chairman claims this is necessary to compete for good staff - in other words, everyone else in the banking sector is just as greedy despite the fact that hardly any major bank in the world is untainted by the scandals and blunders of the past few years.

And while we're looking at such nice people, let's not leave out the charming lady back in China who wore a false belly to make her appear pregnant so people would give up their seat to her on the train - then officially complained that the device didn't live up to its description when her ruse was rumbled.

So many jerks out there, and so little time to be rude about them all...

Now here's an irresistible discount from a restaurant in Knutsford Terrace:

Several decades ago I made the memorable journey across what was then the Soviet Union by the Trans-Siberian Express.  At breakfast time the Brits and Australians aboard would bring out their little pots of Marmite and Vegemite and argue the respective merits of these two concoctions.

Then I just heard a couple of days ago that some people in Singapore eat Marmite congee.  How the British Empire lingers...

Following the recent Dolce & Gabbana case, where the Italian fashion chain kicked up a storm by telling local people that only mainland visitors were allowed to photograph its flagship store in Canton Road, another international fashion chain appears to share the view that insulting Hong Kong people is a smart business move.  French chain Agnes b opened a new cafe in Tseung Kwan O with menus in English and simplified Chinese (as used on the mainland) only, triggering another wave of outrage on the local blogscape.  This kind of decision can only exacerbate the growing feeling among Hongkongers that mainland money is making them second class citizens in their own home.

Dolce & Gabbana took weeks to eventually apologise.  Agnes b has been quicker off the mark and already promised to change its menus to include traditional Chinese.

What I find ironic is that these luxury chains spend millions of dollars each year to build and promote their brand names around the world, only to discredit them through such thoughtless and discriminatory actions.  Are they totally brainless, or are these decisions taken thousands of miles away by executives with no sensitivity to the local cultures of the places where they operate?

As most people know, Europe has "Protected Designation of Origin" laws designed to protect the names of distinctive local foods and drinks from being copied elsewhere. Champagne, for example, can only come from the Champagne region of France; and Newcastle Brown Ale could at one time only come from Newcastle, until its brewer applied in 2004 to cancel its protected status because they wanted to move the brewery across the river out of the city. (This is the same unlovely company, then called Scottish & Newcastle, that also closed its last brewery in Scotland, leading one writer to suggest that it should change its name to Ampersand, since that was the only valid part of the name left.)

Usually this system works well, though some names had already become so widely (ab)used that it was impossible to save them. Numerous inferior cheeses around the world bear the name Cheddar, for instance, though the finest examples of the style are still produced on farms around the Somerset village of that name.

Cheddar can at least still produce its local speciality, though not exclusively. Not so lucky is the Cambridgeshire village of Stilton, where the magnificent blue cheese of that name was first sold. The current landlord of the historic Bell Inn, where the cheese originally came to fame, commendably wants to sell locally produced blue cheese. Unfortunately for him, Stilton can by law only be produced in the three counties of Derbyshire, Leicestershire (where the Inn's owner in the early 1700s obtained his first supplies) or Nottinghamshire. So the Bell Inn can sell the product it is most famous for, but only under a different name. Crazy, huh?

Personally, as much as I love Stilton, I find Blue Wensleydale even more delicious, though often hard to find. That is, believe it or not, still made in Wensleydale.

Sepp Blatter's statement that FIFA - world football's governing body (that's soccer for American readers) - is "not in crisis" is about as credible as Muammar Gaddafi's claims that all the Libyan people love him. Nevertheless, Blatter's re-election as head of FIFA was entirely predictable - and not just because his only challenger was conveniently accused of corruption and sidelined before the vote.

In the welter of corruption allegations, firings and reinstatements, and general chaos it's hard to know the truth. But a look at most of the FIFA bigshots will tell you one sure thing - from the size of their waistlines, most of them have not actually played football for a long time - indeed, it's doubtful they would last more than 5 minutes on the pitch before collapsing.

The fact is that FIFA is an entrenched bureaucracy - and the first task of any bureaucracy is always to perpetuate itself. While Blatter likens his role to captaining a ship, what he is really doing is driving a gravy train. And as long as he keeps the gravy - free tickets to big games, lavish banquets, foreign trips, and perhaps additional benefits - flowing, most of its recipients will continue to support him. As the French say, the more things change the more they remain the same.

The 1978 movie Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is generally regarded as a good-natured spoof of the science fiction genre. Now today's BBC news site has a deadly serious headline: Deadly cucumbers claim more lives. We really are living in a science fiction world.

Suddenly it's Christmas

Right after Halloween

In Watson's Star House branch in Tsimshatsui today, two sections of shelves labelled "Oral Care" were stacked full with ... chocolate bars. Must be some new dental treatment I'm not familiar with.

Or perhaps there just wasn't rrom for them in the "Snacks" section, which was filled with obviously inedible plush teddy bears in Santa Claus caps. I guess you'd need the chocolate to get the furry taste out of your mouth.

China's government has become much more adept at public relations over the past two decades, but once in a while they do something so stupid you have to wonder where their brains have gone. Such a misstep is the jailing of consumer protection activist Zhao Lianhai, who fought for compensation for victims of the so-called tainted milk scandal. What the hell were they thinking of? The clear message this sends to the world is that China puts the protection of baby-killers ahead of justice for their victims. That's really going to boost consumer confidence in the safety of Chinese products, isn't it? Idiots!

And while we're on the subject, can we get the vocabulary right? "Tainted" suggests accidental contamination, as in the Perrier case a few years ago. The correct word for deliberately introducing impurities into a product is adulteration.

As for what goes on in the mind of an industrialist who deliberately adulterates their product with a substance they know will be harmful - possibly deadly - to consumers, I have no idea. It's common enough to put profits before people, but at the cost of their lives? It's ironic that many of the worst excesses of capitalism now seem to occur in the world's largest "socialist" country.

... you walk along Lockhart Road in Wanchai and the bargirls hanging around in front of the nightclubs, who used to be half your age, are now one third of it.

But I had another reminder the other day that I'm not getting any younger. Receiving HK Magazine's latest email, I saw that they were offering valuable prizes for those completing their annual "Readers' Choice Awards" survey. OK, I thought, the prizes seem quite attractive - let's have a go.

• Best brunch - Cafe Deco on Sundays. Easy so far.
• Best dim sum - hmmm, I don't often go for dim sum, and then only where the wife's family decides to go.

I would have thought of somewhere, I suppose, but then it got harder:

• Best new restaurant; Best new coffee shop - I can't think of the last time I went to a new eating place (as opposed to visiting an old one for the first time). Anyway, restaurants, like jeans, are more comfortable when they've been worn for a while.
• Best new dining trend - I have absolutely no idea.
• Best place to take a date - nowhere if I don't want my wife to kill me.
• Best restaurant to blow your expense account on - since I don't have one, I can't afford to eat at that kind of restaurant anyway, so how would I know?
• Best new club - I think it's about 20 years since I last went clubbing.
• Bets new bar - does the King's Belly in Taipo count? Actually it's not new, just a new name for After 5 when it changed ownership. My favourite bars/pubs in Hong Kong don't even exist any more - the original Mad Dogs in Wyndham Street, and the Frog & Toad out on Lantau. These days if I do go out for a drink, it's usually to Delaney's.
• Best local DJ -I don't think I can even name a local DJ except Ray Cordeiro, and somehow I don't think he's the type they have in mind.
• Best clothing store - does the Ten Dollar T-Shirt outlet in Causeway Bay count? Being tall, I tend to stock up on clothes when I visit Europe or Canada - most of the stuff here doesn't fit me (shoes too).
• Favorite fashion brand (note the American spelling) - whatever fits me and doesn't cost too much.
• Best gym - haven't been to one for years - or to a yoga studio ever.
• Best spa - the one my wife takes me to, I guess -I can't remember the name.
• Best new mobile phone - if it existed, would be one with a large enough screen to actually let me read it; failing that, anything that makes and receives calls.

And so on - you get the picture. They do eventually get to some questions I could answer:

• Best beach - I'm not telling you because I like the fact that it's usually deserted. Ditto for Best Hong Kong hideaway, but by now I'd given up.

So, I conclude that I am either:

• An out-of-touch old fogey who's totally clueless about all the important trends around town; or
• A mature individual who's grown out of his juvenile fascination with trendiness and the pursuit of novelty for its own sake.

And you?

A branch of Tesco (Britain's leading downmarket supermarket chain) has imposed a ban on people shopping in their pyjamas. This reminds me that when I first came to Hong Kong, it was common to see people in their PJs slipping out to the local dai pai dong for a quick bowl of noodles at suppertime. Nowadays there are only a handful of true dai pai dongs left, and no self-respecting Hong Konger would dream of going out to eat without getting dolled up in their name brand clothes (real or fake depending on income). Somehow there was an unselfconscious innocence about those days which I miss .

On Christmas Eve I looked in Oliver's for Stone's ginger wine, the traditional Christmas tipple (even my resolutely teetotal grandmother used to partake of a drop at Yuletide, apparently persuading herself that it wasn't really alcoholic). Alas, everyone else had apparently had the same thought, since they had sold out, and I had no time to look elsewhere, having already drawn a blank at City Super. Then I made the mistake of popping into Toys"R"Us to get a little something for the nephews - again everyone else had the same idea, since the queue for payment literally stretched the entire length of the shop.

I always envy those organised people who are fully prepared for Christmas by the end of November - I am still sending out late Christmas greetings several days later (I suppose I could pretend to be Russian, since their Christmas is twelve days later) - anyway we were still putting up our decorations on Christmas Eve.

On Christmas morning I eagerly opened my email, expecting more greetings from my loved ones, only to be flooded by the usual crop of spam. The organ extenders seemed to have taken a break (they came out later in the day, having presumably been testing the efficacy of their products late into the night), but the Nigerian business proposals, "replica" (= fake) watches, Canadian medications and the like were all out in force. Perhaps the oddest was a message from one "Holly [how seasonal!] Connelly" saying, "I know that you'll be alone these holidays [wrong], what are you going to do? My advice is gambling. It's lots of fun!" No thanks, especially at an online casino I've never heard of.

Least seasonal, having perhaps dropped through a timewarp, was the spammer who suggested I order 10 special cigars as a gift for Father's Day - which was some time in the summer last time I looked. Since my father died of cancer from smoking (15 years ago yesterday in fact), cigars are just about the last thing I would give anyone for Father's Day - or Christmas for that matter.

Things could only look up from there - until I bit on a staple in my fried rice at lunchtime. Then in the afternoon I went out into the garden, only to find that our little lotus pool (the ceramic type that sits on a stand) had completely dried up. I suspected a leak, but since I refilled it the water has stayed in. It could, I suppose, have been caused by a mini-tornado sucking out all the water, but since there were no reports of any strange weather phenomena over Christmas, my theory is that Santa's reindeer drank all the water the previous night.

After that, the rest of the day was actually quite enjoyable. The 3-year-old nephew was pleased with the toy plane we gave him, until another aunty and uncle gave him a talking toy bus from Japan, when he quickly lost interest in our less sophisticated offering. And the 1-year-old detested his wriggly toy snake and kept throwing it to the floor to get rid of it.

So what sort of Christmas did you have? Anyway, Merry Christmas to my dwindling stock of readers!

According to ATV's trailer for Gary Rhodes' Local Food Heroes, Rhodes "leaves no eating hoile unturned" in his quest for the best in British food. Now that I must see - I've mever witnessed a hole being turned before.

Meanwhile, what is this obsession ATV News has wih golf? Most days, about half the sports segment of the 7:30 news is given over to a near hole-by-hole account of some tournament or other. Now I know not everyone shares my agreement with Mark Twain's description of a round of golf as "a good walk spoiled", but it is very much a minority sport here. I have no idea what a bogey, birdie or eagle is, and I suspect that 90% of Hong Kong people are happy to share my ignorance. I'm not saying ATV shouldn't cover golf at all, but couldn't they give more time to sports that most local people actually care about?